Types of Shoppers

Widely known fact: Men and women shop divergently. (Differently was an understatement.) (Also, I’m not sure if that is the correct usage of the word.) So let’s make our first categorization right here.

Women, whether they’re working or not, always shop like women. We like to look good, and it doesn’t matter what our shopping habits are, we are going to buy what we like.
There are so many types of women shoppers, it’s difficult to recognize and list every one of them. But I make things easy for everyone, by utilizing my could-be-used-to-study time to make lists and judge people and put them into categories for the world to see.
So here goes:

1) The DPD Shopper.
-This one is the Dependent Personality Disorder shopper. This woman cannot make a single decision without consulting her mother, sister, or friend. She most definitely CANNOT shop without them, and will be on her phone all the while. I’ll make two educated guesses: she will have cellular data switched on, and she will be clicking and sending pictures of every attractive thing in the shop to her consultant.

2) The Scanner.
-This one is typically me. I tend to look around the shop, scan every nook and corner to find anything appealing in my size and put it ALL in my shopping bag. Then, when I’m done with the shop (which takes me an average time of 10-15 minutes), I go to the trial room and try on everything within 5 minutes. Unless of course, I find something that fits me exceedingly well- because then I’ll spend a couple of extra minutes just to admire myself in the trial room mirrors. Not only does this make me a quick shopper, but also manages to find me the hidden treasures of every sale.

3) The Dogmatic Sale Cat.
-This female is hell bound on sales. She will not shop anywhere, at all, until sale time comes around. And when sale time comes around, she’s going to be going around lootin’ every shop that’s got a red banner on its door. Now, I would call this smart shopping. Why on earth would you spend 100 bucks on a shoe when you can get it at half price if you only wait for the season to pass?

4) Children.
-These are mainly compulsive shoppers, and they dont need to be below the age of 5 years to fit into this category. These people get urges, strong lustful desires, to buy things they are never going to use/wear. Their shopping cart is going to be full of paper weights, lava-hourglasses, and fancy pink heels.

Now, MEN are a wholly different species of shoppers.

There are either Obsessive shoppers, or Blue Moon shoppers.
Although the categories are fairly self-descriptive, I am aware of intellectually challenged people that might be reading this.

So,
1) Obsessive Shoppers.
-These men are almost women-like shopaholics. They see something attractive, they put themselves out there, and buy it. It doesn’t have to be sale time, and it doesn’t have to be a good price. Their thought process is mainly- “Hell, I’m earning my money, and I’m going to pamper myself.”

2) Blue Moon Shoppers.
-These men are very careful shoppers. They will go shopping for themselves only once, maybe twice, a year. But when they do go, they’ll make sure they get themselves a year’s worth of supplies. Their unsurprisingly contrasting thought process is mainly- “Hell, I worked so hard to earn this money, I’m going to save it and invest it in a better way.”

P.S. Did you know that trial rooms are built wayyyy too strategically? The interior designers get all the lighting and mirrors fixed to make us look better than we really do, so that we buy the stuff we try on. We should be buying the mirrors, and lights, instead.

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