Lately I’ve been eating a lot.
My mother does nothing to help the fact that I need to lose weight. In fact, she’s ecstatic that I am so hungry all the time. Earlier I’d eat two square meals a day just to keep her vocal cords safe. But now, I’m beginning to think she’s taking advantage of that.
For example, she has started serving me Bournvita in the mornings every day before I go to school. Healthy, okay, but I’m almost 18- I don’t need to feel like Hrithik Roshan from Koi Mil Gaya. Clearly Bournvita didn’t help his wits much. What I really need is an abandoned alien like Jaadu to bless me with supernatural intelligence because I am also a sad intellectually-challenged kid with not much of a future to look forward to.
Somebody really needs to explain this to mum, because I’m clearly not doing a very good job at it.
I wish I knew what was wrong with me, but I’ve realized I’m just going through a phase that astrologers would say is the fault in my stars. I’ve been having the worst month, in every aspect. I’ve been arguing with a lot of people I care about, getting into major trouble for minor things, and getting irritable for things as small as not remembering the lyrics to the petty song “MiMiMi” by Serebro. But then, I suppose that isn’t a very small thing, as the song pretty much consists of only “mimimimimimimimimimimimimimi” with a catchy tune.
Either way, this afternoon, I had to loosen my belt a little, and I realized that I really needed to go to the gym more than once every 15 days. So I made up my mind, and prepped myself up. I told myself, “I will not sleep after lunch today, I will go to the gym, and I will definitely not finish my bag of Maltesers in one go.”
4 hours later, I’m sitting here with my bag of Maltesers, which despite my scruples I will still not let go off, trying to find an excuse to explain to my mother why I skipped gym again today.
I would say that I appreciate my mother’s concern when it comes to my gym subscription: she does manage to remind me every single day that we have paid the trainer for three months, and that I should get off my lazy bum and do something about it.
However, I did not register for the gym alone. My mother has a subscription too, and she goes to the gym only once every 8 weeks- at my coercion.
Now that I think about it, she is probably a major causative factor to my laziness. My mother is very anti-exercise, when she should be pushing me to go to the gym with bursting enthusiasm (in order for me to actually want to go myself.)
Moving on to the actual purpose of this post, which I’m not even sure is a purpose at all, here are some excuses I found helpful to explain why I cannot go to the gym:
- Something to do with the weather, mum. I think it’s making me lazy.
- I ate too much, it’ll be unwise to exercise right now.
- The instructor called to say that the gym will be closed today.
- I’m exhausted today- I haven’t slept properly in days.
- Ehn. It’s too late now, maybe tomorrow.
- I might have tuition early today. (I won’t.)
- I have a test tomorrow, I need to study for it!
- I just wrote a test, WILL YOU LET ME RELAX FOR A MOMENT? Jesus Christ, you’re so jumpy.
- I’ll only go if you come with, mum. (Hence we end up not going. :)) I’m so clever.)
- It’s raining. (This often works because my mum is too lazy to actually go and check if it is, in fact, raining.)
- It’s my time of the month. ‘Nuff said.
- I swear I will go tomorrow, I completely forgot to add it to my schedule for today.
- I can’t find my gym slacks.
- My shoes are wet from the rain.
I only have 14 at the moment, because I tend to finally drag myself to the gym on the 15th day, after which I repeat the same cycle of excuses. It isn’t even that I’m lazy- once I’m at the gym, I’m a ball of energy. I just don’t like the idea of having to step out of my bed once I’m in it.
I wish I was helpful with the excuses, although I probably wasn’t- it is easier to make excuses to my mother about the gym, because she feels the same way about it.